Saturday, June 18, 2016

Why Am I So Obsessed with My Ketogenic Diet?

Okay.  I admit it.  I have been obsessed.  These many last months, maybe my "diet" related posts have seemed a bit over-the-top to some of my friends and family.  I don't know.  I do know this, if I didn't change I was going to die sooner rather than later.

You might think I am exaggerating but I am convinced I am not.  I have had diabetes issues these last few years.  My first pregnancy I was initially diagnosed as a gestational diabetic.  Then after a regular type II.  Things only got worse.  Both pregnancies I have had I had to take enormous amounts of insulin.  I had fatty liver (cat scan confirmed) and elevated liver enzymes.  I had terrible joint inflammation.  I had diabetic neuropathy in my hands.  While I didn't consider it related, I had frequent migraines.  I am also slightly hypothyroid.  My hormones were out of balances badly in several areas. I felt horrid on a level I can't explain.  Most people do not understand the pain of being 345 pounds.  Yes, I had ballooned that high for those who don't already know.

I had for a time been so dissatisfied with myself.  I admit, I was starting to hate myself.  I have always been of a positive natural disposition.  When thinking of myself I was so angry though.  I was angry at my apparent profound lack of self-discipline in many areas.  I often felt like a hideous homemaker.  It is mighty hard to be a decent one when you feel wretched all the time.  I felt like an awful wife and mother.  I know I was short changing my family by allowing myself to be in such poor health.  I know I was certainly falling short of the expectations I believe God had/has for my life.  I felt like I was destroying my life and my Christian witness one bite at a time.

I also know that in short order, if I didn't change, I would die.  I could feel my heart struggling to keep up with the most basic things.  I knew I was directly and solely responsible for "putting the knife to my throat" as the scripture says.  I know my gluttony is ultimately the root.  I know that while it wasn't every day, I also exhibited signs of having a clinical illness of "Binge Eating Disorder".  I would occasionally just privately binge to crazy levels.  I felt like I had no control and I couldn't stop.  I literally could recognize there seemed to be some sort of disconnect between my brain, my mouth, and my stomach.  I ate to enjoy food.  I ate my emotions.  I ate out of boredom.  I ate out of habit.  I ate until I looked like I ate the couch.

Last July (2015) I finally got fed up.  I watched my sweet big brother go outside and run and play with my young children.  He played in a way I could not.  He is a bit over 10 years older than I am.  However, he is one of the most self-disciplined individuals I have ever known.  He is so fit and healthy.  He gave my children such joy that day.  However, I pretty much felt like I was going to keel over just sitting nearby and watching it all.  I felt so sick and tired.  Every step, even to get a drink of water was pain.  In those moments, I was done.  I didn't have an epiphany.  It wasn't that I was shocked.  I didn't learn anything I didn't already know.  I was just done.  Plain pure done.  I decided it was my choice.  My own individual choice to act.  I could slowly eat myself into an early grave and leave my children motherless...or I could make better choices.  I am not all powerful, but God gives me each day, each meal, and each bite as a chance to make good decisions.  I knew I had to stop choosing my flesh and my pleasure.  I had to steel myself to try to live my life.  It was a choice to live.  A choice that no matter what I had to act.  My act was to say no to myself.  I had to stop saying "tomorrow" and say "NO!  You will do this NOW!"  Tomorrow was too late.  It HAD to be all choices from there out.

I choose my life.

Now as many of you know, I went with what works for me, especially as a person with diabetes history.  I studied about it until I was blue in the face.  I have had huge success with the ketogenic, very low carb, high fat diet.  It isn't recommended by the powers that be.  It is however, saving my life one bite at a time.  My diabetes is very well controlled, in remission, or resolved.  Whatever termonology you prefer.  I am not on medicine for that.  I am only on levothyroxin for my thyroid.  My blood numbers are all wonderful.  As of this writing, I have lost 92 pounds and counting.  Fatty liver is reversing, and my liver enzymes are normal.  Neuropathy is improved.  Migraines are oddly better.  Joing inflammation is about 80-90% less than preciously.

None of this would be so, if I had not made the decision to take control NOW.  Every moment, every bite!  Every choice, they all add up.  My life is worth it to me.  God gives us ONE precious life to use to His glory.

Yes it is hard some days!  Yes, I miss the pleasure of certain foods.  I can honestly say, never did any of the binges on food that I had make me feel better.  I always thought I would feel better.  I always, without fail, felt worse.  Physically and mentally.  The moments pleasure of the taste of food is not worth my life.  It is not worth robbing my family of a wife and mother.

A ketogenic diet can make things easier in a way.  It is an awesome tool.  However, like any tool, it doesn't work unless the person picks it up and uses it.  That part is, and always will be a choice.

I am not perfect.  I mess up in many things often.  I have made a lot of mistakes.  I can not pick up this tool I speak of without God the Father.  He helps and guides me though this long road daily.  I am excited about the changes I have had.  I am blessed greatly by them.  I also know that it is far too easy to stumble and stop making the right choices.

So, am I obsessed?.....yes.....I guess.  However, I am trying to think of it as learning a self-discipline that I desperately needed.  It is on my mind all of the time.  I am clawing, and fighting for health.  I am fighting to live.  I am fighting to be here as long as the Good Lord wills it.  Each bite, each choice....one day at a time.

3 comments:

  1. Keep it up. Nothing is more important than your life. God will give you strength to continue. Remember that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. We must honor God with our bodies. Amen?

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  2. So good to hear that you are doing well! I'm very proud! If you ever feel like giving up, just go back to that day when you decided to change and remind yourself why you should keep going! You can do this!

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story of weight loss.

    You will be my role model. I, too, am diabetic, and have symptoms such as you describe, but I woul add in my case depression, crushing loneliness and sadness.

    I discovered your youtube videos anout making headcoverings, and watch several...and then today I stumbled on your weight loss video, and looked for a way to contact you. Most of the links no longer function.

    You look GREAT, and I suspect you are encouragment to many, such as myself, who feel hopeless and lost.

    Thank you for your nonjudgmental gentleness.

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